Smoke series and shadow portraits

I had such a fun time a few weeks back shooting with my good friend Madison Hurley photography! Here's the amazing set! Hair and make up by me. Dress by pin up girl clothing. 

Smoke series

Shadow portraits

 I hope you enjoyed! 💋💋💋

The burly blues.

     There comes a time in all performers careers when they get what I call "the burly blues". With the amount of performers I keep up with regularly and know personally I've heard some of the hardships that would get anyone down. This is just my story and advice on it.

     The burlesque industry as I know it is rough. As an onlooker it looks as if we are on top of the world, granted while on stage we are, but underneath it all most of us have internal fights that we have to battle regularly. There's many things from self doubt and self confidence issues to quarrels with other performers and shitty audiences that can make you start to wonder whether the whole thing is worth it. I personally have issues daily over one thing or another and have my entire life.

         (Photo by tanner photography) 

• Self doubt  

   There are somethings that help me get through the self doubt, which is my main problem. I always feel I'm not quite good enough. I feel that no matter the progress I've made its still not as perfect as it should be. I'm either too fat or too thin. Then the constant mental beatings. As a teenager I went to tons of therapy over my issues and nothing ever helped and prescriptions just kept me numb and that's not a way to live. 

    I was once asked "if it's a mental disability, then why can't you try to mentally fix it?". This changed my outlook on life. I realized I was the one who was holding me back and making me feel like I wasn't good enough. If I could stop allowing myself to dwell on things I couldn't change. I could use my time more wisely. I could start to heal and feel like I do something with my life. I eventually didn't have to try as hard to stop these thoughts. Now and then they get the best of me but trying to keep positive and productive is an honest cure to self doubt. I know my experience with this is different then others and some can't control the thoughts, these are the strongest people and my heart goes out to them. 

• Fights with other performers

     This is GOING to happen. I don't care how sweet and accommodating you are there will always be someone who doesn't like you. The worse of these instances are the long time loving friendships ending. I've had these experiences.  They can really make you want to hang up the g string for good. My first piece of advice is try to be professional. Many emotions are shared when you perform with someone. You share the good and bad shows, the good and bad reviews, the good and bad outsiders. It's a different kind of friendship. So if it ends badly those emotions can cause people to do and say some terrible things. my final piece of advice is to keep personal feelings out of the public eye. With social media and the amount of people you come in contact with at shows, saying or doing one thing can really impact how someone feels or thinks about you. Plus there is so much bickering in the scene as it is to add to it or be that girl who is always talking smack. You waste time meeting new performers and friends. First impressions still mean a lot. 

• terrible audiences.

     The first few times performing will go by so quickly you won't really recall the audience, or I didn't atleast. But once your performing a while and start to perform at places that have never seen burlesque, you WILL run into a dull audience. I remember being on tour with the Holy Shakes my second year of performing. We had some amazing and some weird shows. We performed in Chicago and the crowd wasn't interested in us at all. But there was one. Then we went to Cleveland where we had an amazing show. To seven people. Sometimes people don't know how to react to what we're doing. Most don't think burlesque is anymore then what they've seen on the damn Cher movie. Don't take it personally!!!  If you do a show where no one shows up use that to your advantage. Get off the stage and interact with the people there. Use the space your given. If there are posts play up against them Jessica rabbit style. If there's and empty seat at the bar take your stocking off there. It's more fun for everyone then next time you perform those people should be there and they would have told their friends about the fun show they saw last time. I've gotten some of my most loyal fans that way. 

   At the same time when you go to perform somewhere think about your target audience. I recently did a show that I just chose the wrong acts for. It happens. Sometimes you just can't predict what people will like. You might be the weak link in a show. But that's not always bad. If you take those experiences and learn from them next time you'll be more prepared. If you try hard enough you'll find a positive if it's just that you made it through it. 

• keep in mind those who really care for you in the community. Those who build you up and don't brake you down. People who you can communicate openly with. Even if your network is small be sure to be open and understanding! Most of the problems I've seen between troupes and performers boil down to miscommunication. There are the bad seeds and the divas but those type of people find themselves alone in the long run. Keep those who you cherish closest. Keep in mind their achievements are also your achievements. Support your fellow performers. 

   We all find ourself down once and awhile. Be sure to be the one who can get up and go again once things get bad. Find your happiness and live it.